Tag Archives: Angel

‘The Vampire Diaries’ – The Originals: Review

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This isn’t my usual recap/review but I wanted to share a few thoughts on “The Originals” since it’s not just another episode, but a Pilot for a possible new show. I have said several times that I feel that the only show that would be successful after TVD on Thursdays would be another TVD. Because when we are all finished watching The Vampire Diaries at 8:00, all we want to do is talk about The Vampire Diaries and watch more of it. A spinoff about the oldest vampire family seemed like the very best option. I guess we’ll see. In the mean time, I have some things I want to talk about:

  • Marcel is hot. Like, REALLY hot. I am all in favor of Marcel. Is it too early to buy an “I love Marcel” t-shirt?
  • I still get chills every time Elijah shows his magnificent face on screen. Good chills. And maybe frightened chills as well. No one heart rips like our beautiful Elijah. People in the TVD world need to show him some more damned respect. And home boy rocks a three-piece-suit like no one else. Lord have mercy.
  • Joseph Morgan continues to delight me. Klaus has been such a great edition to TVD and if The Originals is picked up, he will be sorely missed in Mystic Falls. If anyone has earned their own show though, it’s this guy.
  • I may get burned at the stake for this, but I am NOT a Haley fan. I have nothing against Phoebe Tonkin, she’s fine, I suppose, I just do not care much, one way or the other. AND:
  • The way that they have pulled Haley into The Originals is pretty much the stupidest thing to have ever occurred on TVD and this is a show where precious stones are “hidden” in soap dishes. This pregnancy IS soap. I can’t even really discuss it without rolling my eyes. I have nothing against babies but I do not believe that they belong on my vampire shows. There were rumors about possible puppies on TVD ages ago and I threatened to stop watching if they became true. I’m not sure I can follow through with that, in this case, but I want to. Just. Wow. I don’t even know.
  • What’s up with all of these rules? Are we going to get a copy of them? I feel that without knowing, I could possibly break one or 10 of them and endanger my own life, completely by accident.
  • I like Camille. A lot. We will get more of her, yes?
  • What are the chances we could just trade Elena for Katherine, full time? Katherine is the best of the best and I want her always.
  • The downiest of the downsides of this episode going to show is the possible loss of the Klaus/Caroline stuff. Love me some Klaroline. That message he left her? How could she deny him?

Without the THING THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED, I am not sure what the other options were for pulling the Original family out of Mystic Falls and into this new world, but certainly there WERE other options? I am just really unsure about it and that’s unfortunate because I actually loved every other thing about this episode/pilot. The new characters are wonderful and we always need more time with the original vamps. Before watching this episode,  I was having day dreams of all kinds of cross-over episodes in the vein of Buffy season 4/Angel season 1. That was some killer television. Can the TVD world pull it off? Or will the entire possibility reek like a dirty diaper?

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My Interview: Clarissa of TVOvermind.Com

My favorite writer this week is Clarissa (@clarissa373 on Twitter), managing editor for TVovermind.com and BIG Supernatural fan. Clarissa has written extensive and detailed articles about what should and/or might come next for all of our favorite Supernatural characters when season 8 begins in the fall (find those articles here) and she continues to work hard on a multitude of other projects. Despite her busy schedule, she was kind enough to take some time to answer a few questions for me about Supernatural and TV in general.

We’re all highly anticipating an 8th season of Supernatural. You’ve written your wish lists for all the main characters but what is the ONE THING you are most looking forward to seeing in S8?

The ONE THING I’m most looking forward to seeing is the Purgatory storyline, and everything that it entails. See what I did there? I made it more than ONE thing. The good thing about Supernatural is that it can occasionally revisit storylines without necessarily feeling repetitive. The Purgatory storyline give Dean an opportunity to revisit his Hell storyline which, in turn, gives him an opportunity to: (a) survive a terrible ordeal and, hopefully, find his purpose for fighting once again, and (b) gives Sam an opportunity to save his brother this time around, thereby repairing any remaining fractures in their relationship. The Purgatory storyline is an opportunity for both of the main characters to grow, even if it’s separately for a little while.

You have mentioned that you don’t think that Bobby should come back from the dead another time. Maybe I am seeing things but it looked a bit like his flask hadn’t totally burned. IF Bobby were to return, what would you like to see happen with him?

I really wish they had never killed Bobby in the first place, if only because they brought him back for what amounted to little discernible reason. I accept the fact that death is not necessarily a permanent state in Supernatural, but why kill him twice only to bring him back a third time in season 8 (assuming that happens)? It seems like emotional manipulation for the fans. That being said, if Bobby does come back, I want him to come back alive. If that means that God steps in and resurrects him – or the angels, like they did with Adam – then I’ll happily accept that as a permanent state. He gets reanimated and goes back to fighting with the boys. No more ghostliness, no popping up in Purgatory or Heaven, just straight-up living/breathing Bobby. And maybe he gets a night with Sheriff Mills, because God knows that man needs to get some after his recently hellish ordeal.

We both agree that Dean’s trip to Purgatory could be a great way for him to kind of snap back into his former, hot shit, less apathetic, hunter self. There are lots of monsters for him to fight. If ONE monster fight were to affect him more than any other, what monster would you choose?

I would like to see him fight a “monster” from his past … ideally, Azazel. But I have all sorts of rules in my head about what should/should not be in Purgatory, and I don’t think demons would be there. But keeping in line with monsters from Dean’s past, I would pick Gordon Walker. Some fans argue that the show hasn’t always had continuous characterizations of its main characters, but I’ve always felt that secondary characters have had great continuity. Gordon was one of those characters who was consistently a nuisance and/or evil from day 1. The villains in Supernatural usually fall into a few categories: you have the big bads of the season(s) who stick around for a while, you have the monsters- of-the-week who can often be compelling, you have people like Meg and Crowley who have been long-lasting, but are occasionally allies, so sometimes it’s hard to see them as true villains, and then you have people like Gordon, who was always a villain and stuck around for a while, even if he was pretending to be a good guy. Like we’ve both mentioned, Dean’s trip to Purgatory could be a kick-in-the-pants for him, and what better way to get back to his fighting spirit then facing a (literal) monster from his past? And, more particularly, a monster from his past when he *was* an ass-kicking hunter.

Supernatural has had an AMAZING Technicolor dream coat of guest stars. If you could have one of the recurring characters back for an episode, who would it be and in what capacity?

I want John Winchester to return. I think that, out of all the characters who have died on this show, he is one character that still has an unfinished story. We learned most of what we know about John through his sons and I’d like the boys to have an opportunity to see their father one last time. More importantly, I’d like John to have the opportunity to see the men that his boys have become. A lot of people give John grief for the type of father he was, but I think he did the best that he could under the most terrible of circumstances. The fact that, in the end, he was willing to endure an eternity of Hell to save his eldest son’s life tells me what kind of a father he was. I appreciate Bobby’s place as a surrogate father in the Winchester boys’ lives, but before the show ends, I’d like to see John just one more time.

The 2011-12 Television season provided a large number of amazing shows. Other than Supernatural, was there one you loved more than all of the others?

I love so many shows, including dramas like The Good Wife, which I feel consistently delivers each and every episode. And The Vampire Diaries have been firing on all cylinders this season. But if I had to pick two shows that I loved more than all of the others, I would have to say Revenge and Once Upon a Time, and I love them both for very different reasons. For me, Revenge was a return to the true primetime soap opera. Does it have ridiculous scenarios? Of course it does. But it realizes that and doesn’t take itself too seriously. I like that this soapy drama proved itself to be must-see-TV. With Once Upon a Time, I liked that it was so different from anything else on television. The show had some problems with pacing in its first season, but I liked the fact that it took chances and delivered the type of show that can be watched by both children and adults. Josh Dallas riding a horse didn’t exactly hurt the show either.

Is there currently a show in your watch list that you wish you could give up?

Gossip Girl. No one seems to like it anymore – least of all the cast themselves. But I started watching it on day 1, and I’ll be there at the end (just like I was with Passions….shut up).

Sounds like there are a lot of great pilots coming to us in the fall. Is there a pilot that you are more excited about, above all others? If so, what can you tell us about it?

I’m most excited by three pilots right now: Nashville, Arrow and The Following. Nashville feels like a grown-up version of Dallas, but without all of the soapiness. I didn’t think I would like it, because I don’t like country music, but I adored the pilot. Connie Britton, who I didn’t really know until now, is sublime as an aging country music star, and all of the other characters fit perfectly into the story. Sure, there’s going to be an element of soap opera, but it doesn’t feel cheap. Arrow is the complete opposite of Nashville….a true super hero story. I didn’t really watch Smallville, but it’s a different look and feel altogether. I love Stephen Amell in the title role (staring at his abs isn’t exactly a hardship, if you know what I mean) and the whole show is a combination of fun/complex fight scenes and a compelling- enough story. I think that with Arrow, The CW has the next Vampire Diaries on its hands….finally.

Finally, I don’t know how to describe the wonder that is The Following except to say that the pilot feels like a two hour movie in less than 60 minutes. And that’s not an insult at all. It doesn’t feel crammed or rushed, it just feels *big*. The performances are stellar, the production value is terrific, and the story will scare the hell out of you. If the American public doesn’t absolutely adore The Following I will throw my computer at my television and declare myself done with the entire television industry.

Summer TV is in full swing. Is there anything you are watching right now that you are totally in love with?

I always love watching Pretty Little Liars during the summer. The truth is, I actually prefer to take a break throughout most of the summer because I watch so much TV throughout the fall-winter season that I feel like I need a break. Between Comic-Con and watching new pilots, I keep myself busy. Although, I have to say that I’m liking Breaking Pointe a lot more than I thought I would. I find it fascinating to watch the sheer amount of work these dancers put in to become professionals. Also, while watching stuff like Cake Boss makes me feel hungry, watching Breaking Pointe is a huge deterrent for snacking at night.

Now it’s time for the hard questions!!

Favorite television character of all time:

Buffy Summers. This actually wasn’t that hard of a question (although the next one is nearly, nearly impossible). To me, there’s two ways of looking at Buffy: on the one hand, she’s a supernaturally- gifted fighter, on the other, she’s a human being. In fact, Buffy is probably one of the most human – and, therefore, flawed – character I’ve seen in a long time. If you take the series as a metaphor for life (which you very often could), then Buffy’s characterization reveals that she’s a person like the rest of us – strong, brave, needy, funny, loving, and occasionally stupid…in other words, she’s a normal person.

I don’t always agree with her choices (the whole Spike storyline comes to mind), but I respect the fact that Joss Whedon and Sarah Michelle Gellar made her as human as they could.

Dean Winchester comes in a close second. Like Buffy, he’s a tragic hero figure who is so painfully human it makes him compelling to watch. I find that characters in genre shows – the kind of characters who are put in fantastical situations that you think could never be real – are the kinds of characters that are more human than the regular humans.

Favorite Television moment of all time:

It’s impossible to choose a single moment. I love the final moments of the LOST pilot, which is still one of my favorite pilots ever (followed very closely by The Following). When Charlie asks where they are, as the culmination to all of the crazy occurrences in the pilot, it feels like a big moment. Little did we know what it would lead to. That island would spawn some incredible (and, yes, silly) moments throughout its six year run, but I keep going back to those final moments of the pilot and thinking “we’re in for a wild ride”. I love two moments in Buffy: the scene where Buffy fights Angelus and then sends him to Hell, because it’s such a great fight scene followed by utter despair, and the moment in the finale where Buffy is getting beaten down and then finally stands up against The First Evil. The line Buffy delivers (“I want you… to get out of my face”) is so utterly *Buffy* that it always resonates with me. With Supernatural, there are so many incredible, emotional moments, but if I had to pick just one, I would say the final fight scene in “Swan Song”, when Sam/Lucifer is beating on Dean, and he’s just sitting there and taking it, brokenly telling Sam that he’s not going to lose him. Then there’s that beautiful (silent) montage of the brothers’ relationship, and it breaks my heart every time.

The show you wish would have never ended:

I wish Supernatural had never ended. Oh, we got another season? Wicked. Next question. But seriously, as much as there are many shows I wish had never ended (I think Angel ended before its time, even if I wasn’t crazy about every storyline), I think there’s a natural ending to most shows and most of the shows I’ve watched have ended at a time that felt right.

If you could say one thing to all of the current TV watchers what would it be?

Please, PLEASE love The Following. Also, stop with the ‘shipper wars. Instead, concoct elaborate fantasies in your head whereby you are one-half of your favorite couple. Trust me; it will make you far happier than getting involved in ‘shipper wars.

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My Interview: The Televixen, Melissa Girimonte

My favorite writer this week is Melissa Girimonte, Founder & Editor-in-Chief for TheTelevixen.com. Melissa is a big fan of my favorite vampire shows (True Blood and The Vampire Diaries) and one of the smartest writers on the web. She also does some amazing podcasting and theorizing. Be sure to follow Melissa on Twitter (@thetelevixen) for all the latest her brilliant mind has to offer.

Brilliant mind? You are way too kind …

You love television so much you were driven to create one of my favorite blogs on the subject. Of everything you’re watching right now, what is your favorite?

I’d have to say Fringe holds a very special place in my heart at the moment. The fourth season recently wrapped and I was sooooo happy to hear that it is getting a proper sendoff with a fifth season. I am so invested in each and every one of the characters and their journeys. I’m usually not one to “ship” a couple, but I absolutely adore Peter Bishop and Olivia Dunham together. Whenever something great happens for them (which is rare on Fringe), I can’t help but cheer and clap as if they were close friends. And Walter Bishop – how could you not want to just reach through the screen, smooth his hair and tell him everything is going to be alright?

Anything you are wishing you could give up?

I know I’m going to catch some serious heat for this one, but throughout the third and fourth seasons, I really wanted to say goodbye to True Blood. With a universe that rich with potential characters and storylines, they just seem to spend too much time on things I don’t give a rat’s a$$ about! Every summer, I say I’m not going to watch, and like clockwork, I get sucked back in by clever marketing and the hope that it will recapture the magic of its first two seasons.

With season finales upon us, which show had/will have the greatest cliff hanger? The saddest goodbye?

I’m expecting Revenge to end its season on a juicy note, and I’m nervous to see who’s going to meet their end on Game of Thrones. The saddest goodbye would have to go to Alaric Saltzman on Vampire Diaries. I may have cried and yelled at my television over that one. But there were also some sweet endings that left me smiling, like on Castle and How I Met Your Mother.

There have been a lot of great new shows this past season. Do you have a favorite?

Revenge is definitely up there. I never expected to get caught up in that web of lies quite so easily. The LA Complex was also a great little surprise. It’s been a long time since there was some really good, soapy fun on my TV, and this one totally fits my smut quota!

Is there one that you were expecting to love but just don’t?

Touch. It totally breaks my heart that it wasn’t what I hoped it would be, given my love of Kiefer Sutherland. They’ve played it way too safe to keep more people watching and that’s been its downfall in my opinion. Plus, I prefer Sutherland as the good guy with questionable methods!

What are your feelings on The Vampire Diaries Season 3? Do you have a stand out character and/or story line you just can’t get enough of?

Klaus was completely awesome all season and I really loved the little dance between him and Caroline. Some of those scenes had me reaching for the smelling salts because of major swooning! Elijah continues to rock as well, even sans side part. He just owns the screen whenever he’s on it!

What summer show are you most looking forward to?

Breaking Bad is at the top of my list. After last year’s jaw-dropping (pun intended) finale, I can’t wait to see where they go next. I’m also really excited for White Collar and Awkward. Oh, and there’s a new Canadian sci-fi series, Continuum, that starts at the end of May. It looks really promising!

Favorite television character of all time:

It’s a tie between Gwen Cooper on Torchwood and Lorelai Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. A lot of people call Gwen a “Mary Sue”, but I have to disagree. She’s a strong, smart, gorgeous, butt kicking lady who faces unknown terrors head on, rocket launcher in hand, ready to help save Earth! And Lorelai Gilmore because I wish I could be as witty with words as she was.

Favorite television moment of all time:

I have a few. The phone conversation between Penny and Desmond in the Lost episode “The Constant”. I could watch that over and over again. Monica proposing to Chandler on Friends, her, down on one knee in the candlelit apartment when he thinks he’s missed his chance. The scene in the Angel episode “I Will Remember You” where Angel tells Buffy – after a moment of bliss and being a real couple – that he’s asked the PTBs to make him a vampire again because he can’t protect her. That exchange ruins me every single time! And finally, Jack and Ianto’s final scene together in Torchwood: Children of Earth. There isn’t a box of tissues large enough to sop up those tears!

I think I just realized something about myself. For someone who claims to not be invested in TV couples, I sure have an interesting choice of favourite TV moments!

The show you wished would have never ended:

I think that most shows that I’ve truly loved ended at the right time – Six Feet Under, Friends, Scrubs, just to name a few – but there are a few that I wish had at least another season, like Veronica Mars, Firefly, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Terriers. I think they still had some great stories to tell and their lives were cut way too short.

If you could say one thing to all of the current TV watchers what would it be?

I know it’s easy to stick with TV shows that are “safe”, like most procedurals out there, but once in a while, you should jump head first into a series with an intricate storyline. It saddens me every TV season that some really great shows don’t get a fair shake because people don’t want to become invested. TV watchers should be willing to take more risks. This is a great time to be a TV fan!

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My Interview: Thomas Galvin

Just so you all know, Thomas Galvin (@thomascgalvin on Twitter) was the very first Vampire Diaries recapper that I followed RELIGIOUSLY!! When I got my sister hooked on the show she was stationed overseas and did not have regular internet access. I was so in love with his recaps that I would print them out and mail them to her through the US Navy Snail Mail. Just so she could enjoy all of the same wonders I was enjoying here in the states. Thomas also blogs on a number of other topics with the same great humor and he collects goodies from around the web so that I don’t have to. His blog (Thomas-Galvin.com) is one of my favorites so be sure to check it out. Thomas is now also a respected novelist! Please buy his awesome book, Sire here. Between writing amazing recaps and writing his sequel, he took time to answer some of my favorite questions!

Aw, thanks Erin. That may be the first time anyone has used the words “respected’ and “novelist” that close to my name before. Usually it’s more like “Novelist? What’s that? Like, do you sell ‘novelty’ items in that shady store with no windows in the seedy part of town?” And then they call security.

You have written a novel set in a brand new vampire world. Who is your favorite vampire of all time?

There are a lot of vampires that make me happy in my pants. Obviously Damon Salvatore is my current go-to for snark with a side of fangs, and Spike (from Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer) was always good for a laugh back in the day.
But the iconic vampire, for me, is Angel, also from Buffy. Anne Rice had already introduced the “vampire with a soul” motif, or at least “vampire with a conscience,” but Angel was really the first character that did something about it. He didn’t sit around getting emo all over the carpets – at least not all of the time – he actually went out and tried to make the world a better place.
The “monster who fights monsters” is one of my very favorite characters, and the modern incarnation really started with Angel. Without him, we probably wouldn’t have Stefan Salvatore, and I probably wouldn’t have Michael McKenna.

According to me, television is better than it has ever been. Of everything you’re watching right now, what is your favorite?

This is going to be shocking and controversial, and I’m sorry for the flame war that I’m going to unleash on your blog, but The Vampire Diaries is the best show on television right now. No other show blends humor, horror and hormones as well as TVD, and the show’s breakneck pace it unmatched.

You recap a lot of genre shows. Have you ever thought about throwing your unique style on a show that is set in the “real world”?

Not really. I’m a huge genre whore, and I have a really hard time getting interested in the mundane. Also, genre shows are kind of absurd on their face – no one really believes a two-hundred year old vampire is going to enroll in high school, no matter how cute the cheerleaders are – and that lends itself to my kind of absurd humor.
Also, recapping two shows at a time nearly kills me ever week. I don’t have room in my life for any more. Also also, if taking on another show didn’t kill me, my wife would.

Anything you watch that you wish you could just give up?

Summer is on its way, and an interesting thing happens to television … it starts to suck. More people are out playing in the Big Blue Room, which means fewer eyes on the shiny magic box, which means fewer advertiser dollars, which means a lot of reruns and also-rans get tossed at us.
All of my favorite shows – TVD, TSC, Grey’s, and  House - are either done for the season or just about to wrap up. And in their place … I’m honestly kind of not looking forward to recapping Teen Wolf and True Blood this year.
But here’s the thing. I don’t watch any show because I have to. I’m not paid to do this. When I watch a show, it’s because it’s awesome, or because it has the potential to be awesome.
True Blood has really gone off the rails the last couple of seasons. I could not care less about Lafayette’s devil ghost baby problem or Sam’s werehorse fetish. But there are enough brilliant moments to keep me coming back, like when Russel Edgington ripped a guy’s spine out on national TV, or Eric drank from a guy’s heart like it was a vampire Capri Sun. I don’t want to give up True Blood, I just want it to live up to its potential.
Teen Wolf has a lot of elements that could work really well together. Stiles is easily the best character on that show, and I wish he was the werewolf instead of Scott. Derek has a lot of potential as a brooding badass (and he has a really sweet car), Chris Argent is stone cold, and his daughter has this unusual buttoned-up sex symbol thing going on.
I just get the feeling that the show runners aren’t exactly sure about what story they want to tell. Last season basically flipped a coin at the beginning of each episode to decide if Derek was treated like a good guy or a bad guy, and Scott spent more time worrying about making first line than about the mythical hell beast intent on destroying everything that he loves.
But, like I said, there’s potential there. I really hope the show lives up to it this season.

Most of the decisions have been made as far as network cancelations, renewals and pickups go. Anything you would give a limb to get back? Anything you wish would die in the fires of hell?

I’m really bummed that The Secret Circle didn’t get picked up for a second season. That show was really uneven, and like Teen Wolf, I don’t think the show runners knew what story they were trying to tell.
The thing is, in the last five or six episodes, they figured it out. There were a couple of weeks where TSC was actually better than TVD, and the season/series finale set up some fantastic plots. I would gladly trade an entire season of topless Anna Paquin to see what happened to the Balcoin children.
And no, there really isn’t anything I want condemned to the infernal depths. Like I said, this isn’t my job, so I’m allowed to change the channel. I don’t begrudge people their favorite shows.
Except Fox News. Seriously, fuck those guys.

Of all the new shows that came up in 2011/2012, was there one that you were expecting to love but just couldn’t?

The Lady and I were looking forward to Smash, but it just never grabbed us. Scandal is good – aside from the OMG THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT AND AWESOME musical two-by-four they keep whacking the audience with – but it isn’t great.

Vampire Diaries Season 3 is over and out. Do you have a stand out character? A stand out story line?

Evil Stefan, bar none.
I kind of hated Stefan after Season Two. The only reason he existed was to agree to Elena’s stupid / suicidal plans and cock-block his brother. I hate goody-two-shoes characters, and Stefan was just insufferable.
And then he went on a six-state bender, leaving a trail of exsanguinated sorority sisters behind him, and everything was awesome again.
I’ve never seen Paul Wesley in anything else, and I had no idea what he was capable of. His turn as the Ripper made me realize that PW is actually fantastic, and Stefan’s cardboard personality is a choice. I really can’t say enough for what that storyline did for my opinion of the actor and the character he plays.
I really hope they do something similar with Bonnie next season. She’s been a lot better lately, and I’m all aquiver at the idea of her going to the dark side.

I hate using the term “guilty pleasure” because I never feel guilty about TV but, is there something you’re embarrassed to admit you watch regularly?

Erin, I’m a thirty-something straight guy who writes about teenage vampires. “Embarrassed” left town a few years ago.

Favorite television character of all time:

Tough But Sensitive Snarky Ass Kicker Guy. That’s more of a Jungian archetype than a character, but he manifests in Greg House, Damon Salvatore, Dean Winchester …

Favorite Television moment of all time:

The entire arc where Angel lost his soul was fantastic, and there were so many great moments. Like in Innocence, where Angel told Buffy he “thought she was a pro,” and she falls into bed sobbing. Or in Passion, where Angel leaves Jenny Calendar’s corpse in Giles’ bed, with opera music playing. But the best moment was probably in Becoming – Part Two, when Angel gets his soul back but Buffy has to kill him anyway, and Buffy says “close your eyes,” and then she stabs him, and then Sarah McLachlan starts playing, and, and … yeah, that left me gutted.

The show you wished would have never ended:

All good things come to an end. Eventually, no matter how talented you or your writers are, you run out of stories to tell about a particular character in a particular universe.
I love House, but it feels done. Same with Buffy … the “season nine” comics were pretty solid evidence that everything that needs to be said about Buffy has been said already.
It would have been really nice to watch Firefly unfold, though. That show was mishandled from the start. It was something really special, but the network never gave people the chance to find that out.

If you could say one thing to all of the current TV watchers what would it be?

Most TV watchers don’t need to hear anything from me, but there’s a very small, very vocal minority who need to be sat down, given a lollypop, and told that the world will not end if $ATTRACTIVE_MALE_CHARACTER doesn’t end up with $ATTRACTIVE_FEMALE_CHARACTER.

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