My most sincere apologies for missing last week’s recap. “The Rager” was all that and a bag of my favorite chips. But, Halloween starts early in Salem. Starts early and rocks HARD. That’s just how the witches roll. Ask Bonnie. Or don’t, she was not invited. Oops.
This week, we get to go on a little trip, take a little walk down memory lane and maybe see some blood? Here’s hoping. Let’s DO THIS.
- That was my back yard yesterday. How did they get it on film so fast?? And what are they doing with my sword??
- Damon. The next star of “Pawn Kings.”
- Stefan. No one looks cool when they do air quotes. Even you, buddy.
- They are so cute, threatening each other with weapons. Very sexy. Maybe the husband and I should try arrows…
- Matty is adorable. And tragic. Becks is just tragic. And blonde. Klaus is divine. As always. And smart. Boy has knowledge.
- I kind of like it when Bonnie tells Damon that he’s gross and Damon accepts it as a compliment. It just works for them. It’s awesome.
- Ugh. Eye sex. Barf.
- Klaus and Stefan are kind of a team!! YAY!!! I will take “kind of” all day long!!!
- HAIR PORN. LOTS OF HAIR. AND ELIHAH!!! I know that the costume department works really hard on their period garb, but let’s be honest. Klaus and Elijah could prounce around in burlap sacks wearing squirrels on their heads and we still swoon. Am I right?
- Klefen. The fanfic is writing itself. Hot.
- Was Stefan in the Mafia at some point? He’s like, wicked awesome at playing all of the sides in order to get what he wants. Like, wicked good. Boy got SKILLS.
- “Elena is educating me int the importance of feelings.” Sometimes, Damon. Sometimes.
- I actually just snorted (TASH!) while laughing at Klaus and Rebekah fighting over the dinner table. They sound like bickering siblings but they say things like, “You broke my neck,” and “You threw away Elena’s blood!” As if they were fighting over busted toys. All the while, Stefan just sits there, amused at it all. It really is the most comical thing. “Let me just name the million other people I’d rather be having dinner with, right now.” I honestly cannot catch my breath from laughing.
- Does Alexander remind anyone else of The Groosalugg from Angel?? Anyone?? I guess you had to be there.
- Holy crap!!! JER. Stefan, you have not been eating the most hippity hoppity. Must be faster. Damn it.
- Who drinks Bloody Marys at night? Even at a party? Ugh. College kids.
- Damon thinks that he is helping her. He is creating a monster. I know it.
- Klaus is kind of scary when he yells. Should I go stand in a corner or something?
- Evil genius. It’s like a thing that should be in a museum or something. Except, this genius would eat all of the patrons. Or, convince Stefan to do it for him. Tricky, tricky.
- What is Damon even wearing? Did he rip off John Travolta??
- Jeremy is still a good artist. Love that shout out to the baby cakes we met 3 years ago.
- Also, that Connor is a son of a bitch. Pretty sure Klaus wants him killing more vamps (that are not him) until the map is complete, yes?
- I effing HATE to admit when Damon is right. But FRAK ME RUNNING. He is right. About Elena. About himself. About Stefan. But he is wrong, too. She was having fun. But she was high, not her real self at all. It always feels like the real you in the moment. But eventually you have to wake up and take 3 Advil while chugging a Gatorade.
- Excuse me, there are unicorns in my tears, I can’t even see past Stefan telling Rebekah that he would give up his eternity with her, just so she would never feel the pain of killing someone. And all of the unicorns splashing around in my tears is making it hard to hear how jealous Rebekah is of the love that Stefan & Elena share.
- And it is their love that changes Rebekah’s mind. She gives up her secret. Because she knows, just like we all do, that Stefan would actually give ANYTHING to live his life with Elena. He just wants to grow old and die with her. Just as she always wanted as well.
- I am glad that Stefan at least has the decency to have tears in his eyes as Klaus stakes his sister. Again. That poor girl. I don’t think I have ever felt this sorry for her. Even after everything. Sad.
- “It’s just you and me in this, Stefan.” QUE FANDOM. I am waiting.
- She feels like Damon’s Elena. But she wants to be Stefan’s. It’s fucking heart breaking.
- Also, Connor is free. EEEEK!!! Not great.
- OR IS IT???
That episode was full of awesome. I do not even know where to start. I have a lot of feelings. And they are all fighting with each other. Can you put feelings in playpens? Or are chains & closets the way to go? I don’t even know anymore. Can you guys help me? What did you think?
TVD Season 4 is only 5 weeks away! And while that sounds like a long time, I am hoping that it will just fly by. As the characters all prepare for what lies ahead, I am presenting gifts to help each of them on their way. Don’t forget to tell me in the comments what you would gift your favorite TVD character.
It looks like Bonnie will be getting into magic a little above her head again. That means bloody noses galore. I gift to her a box of tissues so she doesn’t make a mess.
Poor Jer is now the last living member of his family. That means he no longer has a living legal guardian. I gift to him paperwork for the emancipation of a minor.
I cannot imagine there are a lot of people very happy with Matt at this point. It’s not entirely his fault but there is no doubt he will be blamed for what happened to Elena. I gift to him a passport so he can get out of town until things blow over. Bon voyage Matty!!
Caroline already does quite a bit of kissing. But now that her dangerous admirer is wearing the body of her boyfriend, I feel like the amount of kissing could increase significantly. I gift to her Chapstick. Things could get ouchie without it!
I highly doubt that Klaus has thrown the pigskin around much in his many centuries. Not sure how long he’ll be in Tyler’s body but what if he has to play a game? I gift to him some instruction.
Damon is angry. Probably with just about everyone. Including himself. It won’t do anyone any good if he goes on a killing spree so I am gifting to him something to help him burn off that anger without permanently damaging all of the beautiful faces around him.
Stefan has a long history of brooding and guilt but there is no way we’ve ever seen the level of guilt he’s sure to feel regarding Elena’s death. I gift to him something to take the edge off so that we’re not all suffering from his mopey disposition.
Handling one’s own death cannot be an easy thing. And we all know that there are a lot of rules. My gift to Elena to help her through the transition:
You guys. This is it. Only one hour left of TVD Season 3. What a crazy mother lovin ride, yeah? I can’t believe we’re this close to summer hiatus a.k.a. HELL. What are we even going to do with ourselves? Don’t think I’m ready. And tonight Elena makes a choice. My heart! My stomach! I’m not sure I want to know. I may have to watch through my fingers. Either way, I’ll soon know whether my unicorns are going out for a run or getting put to sleep. I’M SO NERVOUS!!! Like to the point of not being able to function. There is not enough wine in the world for this. No doubt there will be screaming and crying and bloodletting. And that’s just me. Here we go!! Kicking and screaming the whole way!!
- JENNA!!!! Where is her wine glass though??
- Awwww!! The boys are like big brothers!! I love the way they talk to Jeremy. Such a-holes.
- Alaric can’t really be Elena’s guardian because she’s 18. FYI.
- I find it very hard to believe that Elena did not get paint in her hair. This show just lost major believability points.
- Caroline should probably cross doctor off of her list of possible professions. Because we all know a good head injury needs liquor and sleep.
- It’s official! Bonnie has always been annoying!!
- It’s like way weird to see Matt & Elena kiss. Good weird but still weird.
- STELENA HUGS!!!!!!!!! My heart just flipped over like a bazillion times. She looked so happy to see him!!
- ELIJAH!!!! So many faces I love already!!!!!! My God I just love him. I love the way he says Elena. I love the way he’s always making deals. LOVE. HIM.
- The moms are so sad!! They’re making me sad!! Ty and Care can’t run away!!! Well, Ty maybe can but not Caroline! She’s my sunshine!
- Matt & Jeremy? Really? Are you guys making the best decisions?
- There is some really crazy complicated plan going on. I am sure I will be very confused before this is all over.
- They are very sweet. Tyler and Caroline. I kind of love this. Caroline is THE BEST. Refusing to do anything until she has helped her friends.
- Damon is in rare form. Hilarious. So whiny and annoyed with everything. He can’t seem to stop talking in his highest pitch.
- Oh. My. I love it when he touches her face. I’m not crying at all. Nope. Don’t say later!! There might not be a later!!
- DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!! HOLY RUNNING UNICORNS BATMAN!!! I am sobbing and hyperventilating and clapping and that was just the most AWESOME THING EVER!! They haven’t kissed in so long. SO LONG. I can’t even make sense right now. That was everything. No matter what happens next I needed that so bad.
- It hurts to see Alaric and Damon at odds but Damon did kind of had that coming.
- I may have to do a whole separate post for that ISF commercial.
- “I suck at tea.” BE MORE EFFING ADORABLE MATT!!
- Elena is making me cry. I know all about the wishing mom was there. So sad.
- Matt drugged Elena?? That took some balls! Go Matt!
- KLAUS!! NO!!! OMG!!! NO!! There’s some way around that, RIGHT?? RIGHT??????????????
- So is he NOT the head of their bloodline? He totally lied, yes?
- They seem so sad. I can’t. I just can’t. I need my Salvatore brothers!! NEED.
- Here is the moment of choice. Can’t breathe.
- TYLER!! Even if Klaus was lying about the Salvatores, he is definitely not gonna make it. Oh shit. Caroline though. Crap on a cracker.
- I am crying over Damon’s tears. Take note. This is just really sad. And hard!
- STEFAN. SHE CHOSE STEFAN. SHE LOVES STEFAN. My heart has stopped working. It’s full and hurting and THERE ARE UNICORNS!!! SO MANY UNICORNS! UNICORNS FOR DAYS!!
- Caroline. Oh Jesus. This is gonna be so painful. Why does the world insist on hurting her so much? She’s so good and sweet and perfect.
- And Tyler is being so strong for her. I don’t have enough buckets for the tears!!!
- WAIT! He’s changing! So maybe only the vampire half dies? Maybe the wolf side gets to live!
- MATTY TEARS TOO?? Seriously? This is awful.
- The more everyone cries the more I cry.
- OMG!!! HE’S IN TYLER’S BODY!!! OMG!!! Klaus is fine and everyone is fine! WHAT THE HELL SHOW!!!
- Damon!! Get up!! Fight back!
- Wait, what? What is this? No way.
- I kind of don’t believe that. I mean, S1 Damon would not have been like that, right? Maybe because she looked like Katherine? But still.
- Here we go. More crying.
- STEFAN!! She won’t let him help her until he helps Matt. I can’t breathe and I can’t see what is happening because of the crying.
- Ghost Alaric?
- THIS IS THE WORST!
- HOLY MOTHER EFFING CRAP!
- She’s turned.
- Fuck me running.
- That was THE BEE’S KNEES.
- At least I think it was. Not sure how I feel yet really.
- Holy. Shit.
- What the hell?
- Are my unicorns still out running on their rainbows? Where is Virgil?
- I am going to carry on like this for 4 months, FYI. Just sitting here spitting out expletives and staring into the void of shock and amazement.
Happy TVD Renewal day!!! It’s official! We’re getting a season 4 (like we had any doubt).
We’re one week and one hour away from summer hiatus. I don’t even want to think about it. You know what else I don’t want to think about? Alaric. I feel like watching him as an evil vampire is going to break my heart. And my will to live. I am, however, looking forward to watching Klaus be on our side for a change. Really, I just look forward to watching Klaus. I’M SCARED THOUGH!! Time to set up the Pinot Grigio IV and anesthetize Virgil (I don’t want to deal with his nightmares if he watches this).
- This feels so wrong. This Alaric being in that classroom. Especially after watching “Let the Right One In” this week and getting to see the first mission plotted there. I’m sad.
- Poor Rebekah is awful butt hurt about missing the dance. She will never get to be a real girl, will she?
- Does the stake not kill Evil Alaric or did they just miss his heart?
- WHAT THE FRAK? That was some effed up ish right there kids. Alaric, burning in the sun, breaking Caroline’s neck and then dragging her body back into the school. I may have peed my pants just a little. Holy mother of crap.
- Also, I thought Beks and Caroline had just had a little bonding moment and then she just let her get dragged to certain doom? Nice lady.
- Whoa. Jeremy is angry. Poor kid.
- Damon is angry too. This is sad. Did I already say that? “I do stupid things like let my friend die with dignity when I should have killed him.” If anyone needs me I’ll be sailing my boat down my river of tears.
- I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH CAROLINE BEING TIED UP AND TORTURED! DONE I TELL YOU!!!
- Damon’s car is on the street. Stefan must have walked. (Shut up. I care about these things).
- Dammit Elena. Or as husband says it: “Dumb bitch.” I think he is not a fan.
- People still have the newspaper delivered? I didn’t know that still happened.
- Not gonna lie. This is kind of fun. The throwing things bit. It’s like a vampire temper tantrum but with props. I wonder if the neighbors will be confused about what happened to their fence. Also, I hope those kids have insurance and a broom.
- Is it ok that I am totally cool with the “Klaus and Elena leave and Stefan goes with” plan? I would totally watch that show.
- This is awful. I can’t watch. Why does it always have to be Caroline? Why? SOMEONE ANSWER ME!!!
- How awesome would it have been if Bonnie answered the door and it was a Girl Scout.
- Klaus is a Stelena shipper. FYI.
- Did Bonnie just Bing where Elena was?
- I wanna know if Klaus is telling the truth about the bloodline. Like I really wanna know real bad.
- BE STILL MY HEART! Oh Em Gee. Klaus’ care and concern for Caroline is like palpable. And I wanna swim in it.
- I love the vampire fighting. I don’t like watching Stefan & Damon get tossed around like rag dolls but the action is HOT.
- Did Elena just use her brain? Someone get the poor girl an Excedrin right away. It must hurt like hell.
- GET STEFAN!!! Did you hear what she said? DID YOU???
- Elena’s not the only one wearing her thinking cap. Klaus has come to a few conclusions of his own. Elena can’t choose. This episode is like a Mensa meeting!
- “Just between us girls.” I love Klaus. Even when he’s doing evil things. I love him.
- YAY TYLER!! (I don’t think I have yelled that ever but it felt good). I may have also done lots of clapping.
- Oh no. I mean YAY but also NO! This is terrible. And good? I don’t understand my feelings!!!
- This is all very intense with Klaus and Stefan staring into each others eyes while Bonnie kills Jeremy and stuff. Does Stefan secretly wish there was another way? Does he kind of not want this to happen? I bet Klaus kind of doesn’t want it to happen either.
- The boys are taking Klaus for a swim I guess?
- I love and hate this conversation. I am glad she was honest with them and what she says makes perfect sense. Still sucks though. It’s all stupid. This show is stupid. I hate this show.
- This scene is so great. So happy. I love these characters. I love this show. A bit miffed that Elena is reluctant to do tequila shots though. What a loser.
- Alaric has sold out the leading ladies of Mystic Falls. Ruh-roh.
- ONCE MORE WITH FEELING!! (I have feelings watching these brothers. The “I want to hug all of my unicorns and all of you while sobbing” kind of feelings).
- “She’s a pretty special girl.” KILL ME NOW!!!!!!
- What happened? What’s wrong with Elena??? She’s going to get paint in her hair!!!
Best season 3 episode. AMIRIGHT? That was incredible. Scary and funny and devastating and heartfelt and action packed. Only one left. UGH! And so many questions!! Are they going to be able to take down Alaric? When they do, will that be the very end of him forever? Will Elena make a choice? Will her choice make me want to stab kittens? I can’t wait to see the pre-pilot flash backs. I have a feeling I will need beach towels to dry my tears. Are y’all ready for it?